Their Day in Court
So, I am sitting in a federal courtroom to cover a big trial, and I am very early being the only one in the courtroom. The judge comes in and calls me to the bench. He told me he needed to preside over a dispute of some sort and he wanted to make sure it would not be in the news. I told him I would leave if need be, and he said no, he needed a witness to be on hand. I said fine and I put away my pen and pad.
The bailiff escorted in an elderly man (in his 80s) and an elderly woman (also in her 80s-she needed a cane to walk). These two were obviously man and wife, as they were both seated at the same table. The judge called the court to order, and asked the two why everyone had assembled in his courtroom today. The man told the judge that he needed a court order to move back into his house. The woman said in a very stern voice, “Judge, he cannot come back in the house because he curses. I don’t allow cursing in my house. The man quietly replied:” Judge, it’s my house. I built it. Anyway, she keeps hitting me with that damn cane.” The woman stood up and said: “see judge, there he goes with that cursing again, and right here in your courtroom. I will see to it that he gets the cane when we get out of here.”
The judge asked the man where he was staying and the fellow said he was staying in the chicken coop with the chickens, but he really wanted back in the house. The judge thought for some time and finally said there were some options. He could grant a divorce, but where would the wife live? He could let the husband move back in, and place a restraining order on the wife, but he was pretty sure she would wind up in jail eventually. He ordered the two to have a conference and come up with a solution to the problem.
Husband and wife talked it over for quite a while, and finally told the judge the husband would move back in and would curb the cussing. If something should slip out, the wife was to give three warnings before using the cane. Husband said if after three times he still let it slip, then he deserved the cane. Judged declared the case closed with a sharp rap of the gavel.
After they left the courtroom, the judge called me to the bench again. He asked me my opinion on the situation, and I told him that I thought things came out great. He said everyone seemed happy with the solution, and he certainly was, because he really hated to see his parents argue so much!
(this story did not find its way to the news)
The case I was to cover was reset to another day.
short stories 