I bet you didn’t know I use to cuss! Well, I did. The emphasis here should be on ‘used to’ because that is what this is all about.
As a growing youngster, I stayed out with cowboys almost all the time. I loved the outdoors, horses, and all the work that went into being a cowboy. Of course, there was a different language to be learned there. And I liked that as well. Let me tell you, I learned to cuss from the best. I learned what word to use, and when to use it. It was perfected out in the middle of no where, too. There is no question about it, I was an accomplished expert at cussing by a very young age. Some problems began to develop when my social circle began to broaden and I came into contact with people other than the cowboys
My parents became concerned about my proficiency in the use of language as I neared the time to start school. I remember this time period very well and wondered to myself what the fuss was all about. After all, the cowboys had no problem with how I talked, and that was where I wanted to be.
As my first school days neared, I moved in with my Grandmother. She raised four boys and four girls. My parents expressed concern about my language to her. She said it was not a problem and that she could have that fixed in just a few days. My parents were so impressed they promised my Grandmother a complete set of china.
Looking back at all this, I am pretty sure I was set up! My Grandmother had a big family, and she really needed some china!
Starting from day one, my Grandmother let me know in no uncertain terms that cussing was no longer allowed, and if she heard a single word, she would wash my mouth out with soap!
There must be a recipe out there somewhere that Grandmothers know about for making such soap. She had some of the most foul tasting soap known to man! She either made it herself or sent off to the “cuss stopping institute” for their special “hard to cure case” soap. It was just awful. I think my Grandmother knew it was really bad stuff.
After the second time on the very first morning, she came up with a solution. She said, “I will make a trade with you. Here it is…don’t cuss around adults, and I will quit washing your mouth out with this awful soap.” I quit cussing that very day. Every once in a while I would slip, but I made sure there were no adults around.
This program was so successful my parents bought my Grandmother a full set of china for her efforts. She kept them on display in cabinets in her dining room. Everyone congratulated my Grandmother on her new china, and she would wink at me when they did.
Upon her passing, my Grandmother had it written the dishes were to be passed to me because I was actually the one who earned them. I still have them. The have “made in occupied Japan” printed on them. We use them on special occasions and they are on display in our china cabinet. I think of her when I look at them. Every once in a while, when I look at those dishes, I can still taste that soap.
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short stories 